vineri, 9 ianuarie 2009

The White House Comedian

In less than two weeks a major change will happen on the world stage: the new American president will be sworn in. And not just any president. We're talking about Barack Obama, the first black president of the United States. Gee, slavery was abolished in 1865 at the end of the Civil War. That was 144 years ago. Took them long enough. But better late than never. I think we can tell right away that the next years won't be easy at all. You know, because of the financial crisis thing. And on top of that there are two wars the United States engaged into: Iraq and Afghanistan.

Speaking of that, let's talk about the soon-to-be ex-president, Mr. George W. Bush. Now, what did he leave behind? What's he legacy as a U.S president? A disastrous administration (hence the financial crisis) and a so-called "war on terror", which will ultimately become a second Vietnam. For those of you who are not too familiar with the topic, the Vietnam War took place between 1959-1972 and it was a most shameful defeat. The Americans practicly got out of it with their tales between their legs and the result was nothing more than many thousands of dead. Mostly for no reason, obviously. Let's take the case of Iraq and Afghanistan. What do these two countries have in common? PETROL. Commonly referred to as oil. Yeah, and since the price reached more than 160$ in mid 2008, we can realise the real reson of the invasion. They probably didn't give a crap about Saddam and human rights issues. Hey, if you guys want to rid this world of tyrants, there are a lot of places far worst off than Iraq. Let's say, North Korea! You know, that Kim Jong Il fellow. Or maybe Cuba (not the case anymore though). It's 300 miles away for the American shores and in the '60s they had their nukes pointed right at Miami Beach, Florida. But what do these places have in common? NO oil. Not one single drop. So, sorry guys. Maybe another time.

Anymway, let's skip these things. The most enduring legacy George Bush left though, is an entire encyclopedia of blunders and hilarious statements which will definitely make it into the history books in a few years. Along his two mandates he sure made a lot of... let's say "confusions". This man wakes up every morning, he arm-wrestles the English language all day long and he often loses. For instance, during an Iraq press conference, he inexplicably "killed" the first South African black president and fighter for equality and human rights, Nelson Mandela.
I heard someone saying "Now, where's Mandela?" Well, Mandela's dead because Saddam Hussein killed all the Mandelas. IT was a brutal tyrant that...

Another interesting moment was one of his visits to Ger
many. During the press conference with chancellor Angela Merkel, he wasted no time addressing the many troubling issues: I'm looking forward to the feast we're gonna have tonight. I understand I may have the honor of trying some of the pig [...] I'm looking forward to trying some of that pig tonight. [Does it concern you that the Beirut Airport has been bombed and do you see a risk of triggering a bigger war? And on Iran, they have so far refused to respond. Is it now past the deadline or do they still have time to respond?] I thought you were going to ask me about the pig. Okay, we'll just assume this is some kind of metaphor for solving the Middle-East crisis.

About a year ago, probably being intimidated by the queen of Great Britain, he lost the notion of time and he actually over-aged the queen quite a bit: The American nation is proud to greet the return of Your Majesty to the United States. After all, you had dinner with ten American presidents. And you helped our nation celebrate its bicentenary in 1776. Not even Pope Benedict XVI escaped Bush. While on a European tour he addressed him with "sir" instead of "Your holiness".

On another occasion, sometime at the beginning of his mandate he announced confindently the following: I believe that human beings and fish can coexist peacefully. During his two mandates reporters got hold of some of the paper the president had his speeches written on. These actually contained phonetical transliterations of some of the more difficult to pronounce words. On top of that, he actually enriched the English language, inventing a few new words like: "suicider" or "misunderestimated".

Some of his most hilarious statements are the following:
We've got issues in America. Too many good docs are running out of business. Too many OBs and ginecologists are unable to practice their love with women all across the country.

If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything... If you stand for something you don't stand for anything...

Fool me once, shame on... shame on you. Fool me twice.......... If you fooled me, you can't get fooled again.

In my state of the... my state of the union... our state...
my speech to the... nation. Whatever you want to call it.

And America needs a military where our BREAST and brightest are proud to serve.

Everyone knows how bad education in America is and that Americans are the most stupid nation in the world. This Texas cowboy who somehow became president re
sumes this in one phrase: At the high-school level we can fin out that the literacy LEVEL of your children ARE falling. He does seem one of the system's finest "products", doesn't he?

Finally, the following declaration resumes his activity in eight years as president in the best manner: Our enemies are innovative and resourceful. And so are we. They never stop thinking of new ways to harm our country and our people. And neither do we. At least he admits it. C'mon we gotta at least give him credit for that.

Conclusion: George Bush=AMERICAN IDIOT. In terms of comedy, he was, undoubtedly the best American president in history. We're sure going to miss him for that. Good-bye "bushisms"!

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