joi, 10 septembrie 2009

Letter to the Embassy of the United States of America

To Mr. James B. Gray,
Consul General of the U.S. to Bucharest, Romania
Bucharest 12:49 p.m.
Washington D.C. 05:49 a.m.

Dear Jim,

Thanks for the non-immigrant visa you granted me about a month ago. I really enjoyed my trip to the U.S. New York, Washington and Niagara Falls are all really nice places. I'm writing to you to let you know that I'm OK and that I got back home in one piece. However, I do have one minor complaint. What's the big deal with the three month visa? Not that I needed a longer one, but it would've greatly appreciated it. I mean I payed 131$, for God's sake! And for what? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate and respect the fact that you're trying to protect your country from dangerous outside influences and all that, but do it at your own expense...

Romania is America's best friend in the region. These are the words of the great president George W. Bush. He said that on one of his visits here. I find it a little strange that being your best friends we have to waste half a day standing in line at three long queues and being secretly observed and supervised in three waiting lounges at your embassy if we want to step foot on U.S. soil. Hmmm, why does, let's say... Hungary not need visas? They're not your best friends... Are they? Dude, make up your mind, you can't have two best friends at once.

I understand that the main reason for which you call Romanian citizens to visa interviews at the embassy is that you're worried we might go there and work illegally and not come back home, right? Well, that's rarely the case. If we want to go work in other countries we usually choose one in the E.U., as it's closer and easier to get to. That's reason #1 to get read of visas.

#2: We're not brown people. Ummm, no wait... About 10% of the population is. But they usually choose Italy or Spain as their destinations for begging, stealing and/or pursueing other illegal activities.

#3: Not only that we are not brown people, but we also have contributed to your most recent wars against the brown people of Iraq and Afghanistan. And we're still doing so.

#4: Your country was founded by immigrants, most of them Europeans.

#5: You're not doing a great job protecting your borders anyway. The ten million (10,000,000) illegal Mexicans, Salvadorans, Hondurans, Nicaraguans, Guatemalans, Costa Ricans, Panamanians, Columbians, Peruvians, Ecuadorans and Dominicans are the living proof of it. So I guess a few thousand East Europeans more wouldn't be a notable edition.

This having been said, I want to reassure you that I'm fermly anchored in Romanian soil and I have no intention to make any transcontinental voyages in the near future. Not only that I did not undermind the U.S. economy, but I have also made my contribution to it by purchasing DVDs, unhealthy food and bad-quality acid drinks from your malls, watches, books and most probably useless, but real nice tourist crap. Should I come asking for another visa, a more... consistent one would be deeply appreciated.

Respectfully and sincerely,
Holder of visa 9888XXXX

Un comentariu:

Rubby-Roy spunea...

Now this is nice :D.